April 26, 2010
Well, it's Monday, and I am not satisfied that it is Monday. I am not satisfied that I only had 2 full days with friends from out of town. I am not satisfied that it rained ALL day Saturday while we were tailgating outside. I am NOT satisfied to have begin another week of work. I am just not satisfied. Period.
However, there is a bigger, more looming thing I am not satisfied with and that is my relationship with my Savior. I feel that I am missing a more deep and personal connection that can totally satisfy me in Him. And I know that it is me that is the one holding out...not God. I have only recently realized this. Maybe I am at the point in our relationship that I am beginning to see how I am holding back, not completely yielding to Him, to let His joy be at the root and core of my being. If I can get there, I know that my joy will be made complete in Him; my worship and adoration of Him more pure and real than ever before. I know that I cannot do this on my own power...it is only through Christ that I can reach this place of contentment in my soul. "With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27 Please Lord don't let me stay where I am...take me deeper with you.
I am also realizing too for the first time, the depth of my own depravity...the sin in me. I think this is almost harder for those of us who grow up in Christian homes to truly know our own sinful nature because we are trained to "do the right thing" and "be obedient"; that's what "good boys and girls" do afterall. We slip into a "sin coma" because we are not told that by being born we are sinful and objects of God's wrath. But thank the good Lord we are covered by Christ's innumerable and immeasurable grace and are forgiven once we accept this incredible gift of salvation. Lord, please help know and understand my sin, that I may confess it before you and clear the air between us.
I also read a prayer by John Piper today that he prayed for his church last Sunday before his hiatus. It was very moving....I've copied below and highlighted the parts that spoke to me:
O Lord, as you are often accustomed to do, show your great power in my absence. Send a remarkable awakening that results in hundreds of people coming to Christ, old animosities being removed, marriages being reconciled and renewed, wayward children coming home, long-standing slavery to sin being conquered, spiritual dullness being replaced by vibrant joy, weak faith being replaced by bold witness, disinterest in prayer being replaced by fervent intercession, boring Bible reading being replaced by passion for the Word, disinterest in global missions being replaced by energy for Christ’s name among the nations, and lukewarm worship being replaced by zeal for the greatness of God’s glory.
Love it!! Lord, keep with me. Let me know your holy presence more fully that I may be satisfied more deeply than I've ever known.