April 26, 2010
Well, it's Monday, and I am not satisfied that it is Monday. I am not satisfied that I only had 2 full days with friends from out of town. I am not satisfied that it rained ALL day Saturday while we were tailgating outside. I am NOT satisfied to have begin another week of work. I am just not satisfied. Period.
However, there is a bigger, more looming thing I am not satisfied with and that is my relationship with my Savior. I feel that I am missing a more deep and personal connection that can totally satisfy me in Him. And I know that it is me that is the one holding out...not God. I have only recently realized this. Maybe I am at the point in our relationship that I am beginning to see how I am holding back, not completely yielding to Him, to let His joy be at the root and core of my being. If I can get there, I know that my joy will be made complete in Him; my worship and adoration of Him more pure and real than ever before. I know that I cannot do this on my own power...it is only through Christ that I can reach this place of contentment in my soul. "With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27 Please Lord don't let me stay where I am...take me deeper with you.
I am also realizing too for the first time, the depth of my own depravity...the sin in me. I think this is almost harder for those of us who grow up in Christian homes to truly know our own sinful nature because we are trained to "do the right thing" and "be obedient"; that's what "good boys and girls" do afterall. We slip into a "sin coma" because we are not told that by being born we are sinful and objects of God's wrath. But thank the good Lord we are covered by Christ's innumerable and immeasurable grace and are forgiven once we accept this incredible gift of salvation. Lord, please help know and understand my sin, that I may confess it before you and clear the air between us.
I also read a prayer by John Piper today that he prayed for his church last Sunday before his hiatus. It was very moving....I've copied below and highlighted the parts that spoke to me:
O Lord, as you are often accustomed to do, show your great power in my absence. Send a remarkable awakening that results in hundreds of people coming to Christ, old animosities being removed, marriages being reconciled and renewed, wayward children coming home, long-standing slavery to sin being conquered, spiritual dullness being replaced by vibrant joy, weak faith being replaced by bold witness, disinterest in prayer being replaced by fervent intercession, boring Bible reading being replaced by passion for the Word, disinterest in global missions being replaced by energy for Christ’s name among the nations, and lukewarm worship being replaced by zeal for the greatness of God’s glory.
Love it!! Lord, keep with me. Let me know your holy presence more fully that I may be satisfied more deeply than I've ever known.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Easter...a celebration
Easter was yesterday. The weather was perfect...sunny, warm, with birds singing. I mean, it couldn't have been more perfect in terms of that. However, this has been one of the saddest Easter's I've experienced as an adult.
My dear old friend and best dog, Allie, had to be put down last week. Then, hours later on the same day, our friend and neighbor, Mike Sweeney, went to be with Jesus. The cancer wore down his body until he had nothing physically left to give. Finally, on Saturday morning, another beloved community member, Shane Richardson, lost his battle with cancer as well. Both of these young men were shining examples of Christ in their homes, churches and neighborhoods. My dog Allie was a constant companion and true friend, beloved by everyone in my family. All three will be missed sorely by those of us left behind.
So, how do I reconcile all this loss with the joy of Easter? Celebration and death usually don't go together. But, that's exactly what Jesus did for us on the cross. He experienced death to give us something to truly celebrate...eternal life. He drank from the cup he'd prayed hours before to be taken from Him. He went willingly to that tree, to be tortured and killed for something He did not do. And all because He wanted us to participate in this fabulous celebration called life. Death is not the end for those of us who know and accept Jesus. We have much to celebrate here and in the next phase called heaven.
Live on and celebrate!
My dear old friend and best dog, Allie, had to be put down last week. Then, hours later on the same day, our friend and neighbor, Mike Sweeney, went to be with Jesus. The cancer wore down his body until he had nothing physically left to give. Finally, on Saturday morning, another beloved community member, Shane Richardson, lost his battle with cancer as well. Both of these young men were shining examples of Christ in their homes, churches and neighborhoods. My dog Allie was a constant companion and true friend, beloved by everyone in my family. All three will be missed sorely by those of us left behind.
So, how do I reconcile all this loss with the joy of Easter? Celebration and death usually don't go together. But, that's exactly what Jesus did for us on the cross. He experienced death to give us something to truly celebrate...eternal life. He drank from the cup he'd prayed hours before to be taken from Him. He went willingly to that tree, to be tortured and killed for something He did not do. And all because He wanted us to participate in this fabulous celebration called life. Death is not the end for those of us who know and accept Jesus. We have much to celebrate here and in the next phase called heaven.
Live on and celebrate!
Friday, March 5, 2010
Sadie
One week ago today, Joey calls me on the phone as I am driving home from work. "Hey, I'm over here at GA Northwestern, and Heidi still has one female puppy left. What do you think?" Well, to make a long story short, we have enlarged our family by one more dog....Sadie.
Sadie is a mini dachshund, dapple gray with tan feet and face. Adorable is not a good enough word to describe her. She has seriously the world's cutest face! We have fallen for a 4 pound bundle of energy and I am so happy to have her be a member of our family. Potty training has proven to be a challenge for us, but it seems to be getting better.
I find myself thinking about her, worrying over her as one might worry over a child. I never knew I could get so attached!
We love our Sadie and I'm so thankful that the Lord put her with us!
Friday, February 26, 2010
TGIF
Thank Gosh It's Friday!
I can't believe I've made it through a whole work week...again! Wow. Only 7300 days of work left until retirement. How motivating. :-)
Well...this week had its moments. I experienced a slight meltdown Thursday morning. Don't know why, only that tears were very close to the surface, and even emerged at one point. Poor Joey. He not only has to handle stress at his crazy job but he has to endure my emotions as well. He must be made of stout stuff!
Anyway, back to the meltdown....I think I was picking on myself yesterday. I was being self-critical, analyzing my every thought, deed, and emotion which left me feeling woefully insufficient. "I am not perfect!" I cried out in my head. I have check lists in my head that I use as daily reminders of what a "good" wife, employee, and follower of Christ is supposed to be. I know I had not lived up to my own expectations of performace in these areas and so I did what any mature person would do...cry.
So, how do I reconcile this attitude with that of Christ? Simple. I can't. Not on my own anyway. I have got to learn to settle down and let His Truth (grace, love, and mercy through His gift of salvation)pull my actions and emotions. Too often, I let me emotions pull me down a path that is full of darkness, weeds, and hidden dangers. As we discussed at our small group on Wednedsay, we must "transform ourselves through the renewing of our minds in Christ Jesus". I am painfully aware that at this very moment, I have not loved God, spent time with Him, honored Him or worshiped Him in the way that He desires at all this week. I tremble for myself. This selfish flesh always turns back to itself, looking for fulfillment and satisfaction, foregoing the thirst-quenching goodness of the Lord.
Father in heaven, help me in my disobedience. I have forsaken You and I am sorry. Please help me find my way back to You. Give me hope and peace, that You will be glorified in all I say and do. Thank you for loving me in spite of myself. And thank you too for my companion and best friend Joey. He is definitely my heart. Amen.
Instead of Thank Gosh Its Friday, maybe I should say "Thank Gosh I'm Found"! TGIF indeed!
I can't believe I've made it through a whole work week...again! Wow. Only 7300 days of work left until retirement. How motivating. :-)
Well...this week had its moments. I experienced a slight meltdown Thursday morning. Don't know why, only that tears were very close to the surface, and even emerged at one point. Poor Joey. He not only has to handle stress at his crazy job but he has to endure my emotions as well. He must be made of stout stuff!
Anyway, back to the meltdown....I think I was picking on myself yesterday. I was being self-critical, analyzing my every thought, deed, and emotion which left me feeling woefully insufficient. "I am not perfect!" I cried out in my head. I have check lists in my head that I use as daily reminders of what a "good" wife, employee, and follower of Christ is supposed to be. I know I had not lived up to my own expectations of performace in these areas and so I did what any mature person would do...cry.
So, how do I reconcile this attitude with that of Christ? Simple. I can't. Not on my own anyway. I have got to learn to settle down and let His Truth (grace, love, and mercy through His gift of salvation)pull my actions and emotions. Too often, I let me emotions pull me down a path that is full of darkness, weeds, and hidden dangers. As we discussed at our small group on Wednedsay, we must "transform ourselves through the renewing of our minds in Christ Jesus". I am painfully aware that at this very moment, I have not loved God, spent time with Him, honored Him or worshiped Him in the way that He desires at all this week. I tremble for myself. This selfish flesh always turns back to itself, looking for fulfillment and satisfaction, foregoing the thirst-quenching goodness of the Lord.
Father in heaven, help me in my disobedience. I have forsaken You and I am sorry. Please help me find my way back to You. Give me hope and peace, that You will be glorified in all I say and do. Thank you for loving me in spite of myself. And thank you too for my companion and best friend Joey. He is definitely my heart. Amen.
Instead of Thank Gosh Its Friday, maybe I should say "Thank Gosh I'm Found"! TGIF indeed!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Saturday Mornings
I LOVE Saturday mornings...the quiet, the still, the smell of coffee brewing, walking outside to pick up the paper in the crisp morning air. This is how I wish it could be every morning. It is just so restful after a long week of work, deadlines, and chores. When I am in the moment of a quiet Saturday morning, I can understand why Jesus liked to get up early and go pray. No one pulling on Him, asking questions, begging to be healed. And if Jesus needed this time alone (and He is God in the flesh), then doesn't it make sense that little, broken, frail human beings like us need that quiet too?
Dear Father in heaven...thank you so much for the still and quiet of a Saturday morning. I thank you for rest during the night and the good strong coffee this morning. Help me Lord to honor you and praise you the way in which you deserve, for all the wonderful blessings you have chosen to give me. My husband, my family, my friends, my work....it all comes from you dear Lord. THANK YOU. Help me continue to reflect upon your goodness and mercy the rest of the day. AMEN
Dear Father in heaven...thank you so much for the still and quiet of a Saturday morning. I thank you for rest during the night and the good strong coffee this morning. Help me Lord to honor you and praise you the way in which you deserve, for all the wonderful blessings you have chosen to give me. My husband, my family, my friends, my work....it all comes from you dear Lord. THANK YOU. Help me continue to reflect upon your goodness and mercy the rest of the day. AMEN
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Today
Well, I am really going to try this blogging thing for real. I think writing can be cathartic and a healthy way to express your joys, thoughts, ideas, and frustrations! However, I am famous for starting something and not finishing it (like Weight Watchers, exercise 3X per week, reading my bible faithfully, etc..) So, here goes nothing (literally) for today....
Today...I have been battling a testy little headache at work. Work is good but I am getting easily distracted which isn't hard with my attention span. The sun is shining but it's still VERY cold outside. I wish it were warmer but at least the days are getting longer. I am ready to start a real flower garden this spring and summer; however, please refer back to opening statement. I wonder if I'll have the grit and determination to start AND finish my gardening dreams and endeavors. HGTV makes it seem way too easy anyway...and I am sure I could have a designer backyard if I had a crew of about 20 people with a big TV production budget to match. Ha! But, I'll try it and see if it "sticks". I have the feeling that gardening is therapuetic. Pulling weeds and hacking at stubborn roots has got to make one feel pretty good, especially at the end of a long day. Holy cow...I've just written an entire paragraph on "gardening". What is up with me?
To end this pointless and meandering blog, I am going conclude with a description of the rest of today's itinerary. Tonight, I am to dine with donors and students at Berry's annual Scholarship Night with my sweet husband Joey. He's such a good sport to go along. (Don't tell him he doesn't have to go!) Hopefully, the food will be good and the evening will be short!
Also, I am skipping my scheduled run today due to aforementioned "testy headache". I really resent this headache because I have some good wine at home that I really want to enjoy.
Today...I have been battling a testy little headache at work. Work is good but I am getting easily distracted which isn't hard with my attention span. The sun is shining but it's still VERY cold outside. I wish it were warmer but at least the days are getting longer. I am ready to start a real flower garden this spring and summer; however, please refer back to opening statement. I wonder if I'll have the grit and determination to start AND finish my gardening dreams and endeavors. HGTV makes it seem way too easy anyway...and I am sure I could have a designer backyard if I had a crew of about 20 people with a big TV production budget to match. Ha! But, I'll try it and see if it "sticks". I have the feeling that gardening is therapuetic. Pulling weeds and hacking at stubborn roots has got to make one feel pretty good, especially at the end of a long day. Holy cow...I've just written an entire paragraph on "gardening". What is up with me?
To end this pointless and meandering blog, I am going conclude with a description of the rest of today's itinerary. Tonight, I am to dine with donors and students at Berry's annual Scholarship Night with my sweet husband Joey. He's such a good sport to go along. (Don't tell him he doesn't have to go!) Hopefully, the food will be good and the evening will be short!
Also, I am skipping my scheduled run today due to aforementioned "testy headache". I really resent this headache because I have some good wine at home that I really want to enjoy.
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